Tag Archives: inspiration

(c)rickety morning

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the flood gates opened yesterday and words upon words tumbled out of my head, through fingers, sneaking into posts, emails and texts, some well and some badly. now i feel a bit spent, a little weak…like the morning after a good puking drunk. i want to write with inspiration, and i do feel inspired…to do something…but somehow the jackhammer outside my front door at 7:27 am on a fryday is jarring me out of any deeper thoughts than these. i thought jackhammers were only metaphorical anymore, or only used in inherently loud places like highways and metro stops. it seems more meaningful, like a sign (of what?), for the crew to be here, disturbing my tiny townhouse neighborhood where children’s elevated laughter is tolerated…sometimes. i’m more grateful this morning than ever that “puking drunk” appears rarely in my adult lexicon. jackhammers and hangovers? too poetic to be real.

so under all of the rainbows exist very normal days…the to and fro of the workaday world…our noses and eyes cast downward at the grindstones that feed us, cast away from loftier things. that workaday world beckons me, a reluctant participant again lately, as i steal morning moments and tuck them away for myself, here behind these words. i suppose that will be easy enough to remember if i want to peruse them again later…i hate when i put things in that “special place” i won’t forget. it’s always the same special place that i will never remember later. i try not to spend too much time browsing old moments, but sometimes i need to refresh my memory of just who i’ve become and who i want to be today, so it’s nice to keep certain ones in a safe place. and i will admit to some reminiscing and sentimentality when it comes to my relationship with letters A-Z. that, and with a life full of outrageously ALIVE moments, it’s nice to capture a few and use them to fuel the rush and the desire to make more. it helps to remember how i can feel sometimes…because feelings are so fickle…like my big family, they can’t sit still or stay all together very long without causing some chaos, and some of them are rather reluctant partners when paired for certain tasks.

it’s early, in a quiet house, a quiet heart and a settled mind…that wasn’t very much jackhammering after all. even in the quiet i’m not finding some profound thing to say, some “hook” for a reader other than me, so let these words be part of my peace meditation today. let me find joy and balance and soul on a soft, crickety friday. and please let me find one more cup of steaming coffee in the carafe in the kitchen. please.

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illuminated

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i’m finding little bits of beauty in every sound and the spaces between them…every view, eyes closed or open…every feeling, of terror or joy or sorrow. i’m stumbling through icy mountains of velvety dreams, slipping and sliding and barking shins along an exhilarating path. my journey has no destination now, except for each next step. i’m looking around in the day at hand, darting toward flowers, inspecting the peculiar and the new, feeling my skin in today’s sun, examining clouds in today’s sky, hearing Love in the beat of today’s heart. i highly recommend it.

this feels like a high, except that within it i feel deeply, and even celebrate, the lows, making me wonder and hope that feelings of enlightenment need not be so transient as they have in my life leading up to these days. some memory, some embers of my awakenings always glow, even if dimly, even in the longest, darkest tea-times of my soul. somewhere in the darkest of those darks, i will feel the spark of my compassion and dignity and Love. some air, from fresh and compassionate, passionate breaths will fan and feed it until the spark flames into something warming. and right now i’m stretching my soul after all of the fresh breaths of friends and family have melted the snow and ice that froze and preserved “me” and my Love until i was ready to express them again.

the resilience of light is intrinsic and sparkles with glory. light seeps through every crack, every seam, every pinhole in the protective walls of dark we sometimes build around our hearts and lives. it desperately wants in and will illuminate all it can in the face of best efforts to contain it. it glows within dark chambers, suggesting its presence like a present, wrapped and waiting for the special day designed for its unveiling. light is Love…it is inescapable…it finds you and wraps life in a blanket of purpose.  i am warm now, and seated firmly in Love. my life sparkles with possibilities…enough to share…enough to cast light and illuminate the shadows for anyone who crosses or joins me on this trail of laughter and tears.

anyone with pure intentions or the need for soft company is welcome…..