ow. in my summer of joyous discontent, as i spout words and express my Self in what feels a bit like ecstasy, life has delivered me one serious pain in the neck. i am not speaking metaphorically. for two days now, my worldview is limited largely to whatever appears in front of me or to my right and what i can see through a veil of pain. i’d say that i slept wrong, except that it hit me in the middle of an evening, sitting upright, and became excruciating on a short drive home. i am sure there are many other medically sound ways to dismiss this physical affliction. ignoring it, much to my dismay, has been completely ineffective. i suppose i could just grab a bag of frozen peas and a bottle of something (alleve? bourbon? both?) or even drag myself to a doctor and beg for a neck relaxer or two.

but that would be so earthly of me. and i prefer earthy and spiritual to earthly and mundane, if for no other reason than it’s so much more interesting and mystical…and a way to fill the time spiritually while earthly muscles draw my attention away from what i see as productive things. so, symbolically, i seem to be struggling with my 5th chakra. (well, what in the….? but, but?) the 5th chakra is your throat chakra, responsible for communicating and translating between your 4th (heart) and 6th (mind) chakras. according to this ancient philosophy centered on the mind-body connection, problems with the 5th chakra relate to an inability or unwillingness to speak your truths, to express yourself honestly and fully. seriously? and if that’s not confusing enough for someone who’s finally dumping it all “out there,”  and expressing her skinny little ass off, in public, for the first time ever…i read that it’s possible to express too much, which also manifests as 5th chakra dysfunction. i also found an article just this morning claiming that my own “awakening” could be the source of my pain and dysfunction as my soul and body stretch and groan from fetal to languid to animated.

ok, i get it…the vagueries are there, the ones that allow virtually any spiritual analysis to explain my discomfort. i’m chasing the mystical while my mind soaks up science like a sponge…perhaps that is the disconnect between my heart and mind. perhaps this pain is meant to confuse me, force my search deeper…or just push my hands and energy toward meditation and exercise. perhaps this pain is telling me to get my head out of my…the clouds…and get back to the truth of my everyday life, my workaday world, my paycheck. perhaps it’s telling me to run from that life and embrace something else (that would be romantic of my pain, wouldn’t it?).

sigh. so for now, i’ll take this writer’s mind and heart, give them a rest, maybe move the truths around in my bloodstream for a while on my stationary bike, warm cranky neck muscles with my cycle ergometer, and see if a quiet reality check helps ease my discomfort and my discontent. even my joy tempered would likely bring some peace for a moment. i am in pensive pain…thoughtful…when perhaps mindful is better indicated. either way, i write from my “pain body” today, which clouds insight and furrows my brow. a full and outrageous life includes pain, some overkill and some quiet healing. perhaps my two year old’s kisses will ferry in the healing part…plus any cosmic hugs offered by a gentle reader out there. and if anyone wants to share, i’m accepting advice and Universal ice packs….